Ramblin Ma-aaan

Lord I was born one.
It's finally July 2008 and the boat party is over. Not to mention Art's man-project, though he could still be workin' on that unhappy engine....

We really did have a great time at the Boat Party this year, but because of the smoke in all these mountains it wasn't as eventful of a party as usual because basically there were way less people. Usually there are more stories of drunken-ness, more mishaps, more funnies.... This year it was more just peaceful and responsible. That's fine, but y'all know how much I don't like growing up. I kind of felt like we were gainin on our 30's for the first time, and even though I am older than alot of people, I still feel younger and dorkier than them. That didn't matter SOOO much, but I do feel like it was almost more fun the past two years. Probably because I really like challenges and back then I was less friends with everyone and so weird little things made me insecure and talking to people could be a challenge if I didn't know them well etc etc etc. and I secretly love that kind of stuff. But this year I felt so stoked and so badly I just wanted everyone that had come before to come and I wanted to laugh with them all and reach them all and sing with them all, but that didn't happen either. But I did get to fake art-dance to Heart and Roxette and some other PRETttTTy cheesy things, which were my fave parts, but I also had really hoped for some kind of singin circle of tribehood.


That's me with Martha, a good dance partner!
So now, back at the ranch, I am left hurting for more good adventure. I feel some kind of wind at my skirts, trying to get me to move on toward something new, perhaps it's that gypsy one I have a song about.




"That gypsy wind just keeps on blowin'
When it gets me I've no way of knowin'
Whistlin' train to the crashin' ocean
When I dive in- that cold is motion"

Hereya is Cody.

That's Ryan Donnelly, Kristin Darlin, and John Madsen.
And Arty and peeps.
And this is Kate.












I don't want to move from these wooded woods. Art does not either. I love it here in Nevada County so much, but I do feel the need for something new, something different to make my eyes young. Maybe it's just something inside myself that has to happen, I am not sure. And it's not a baby, not yet. Maybe it is, actually, but I am not willing to give THAT a chance yet, til I have some other feelings sorted out inside me. I already bug the shit out of Art all the time about cleaning and not being grouchy and I can feel it TURNING me old. If I lived alone I wouldn't have to bug anyone, but then I wouldn't have a best friend either..... I can't imagine what wrinkles will end up on my face if I am whining about cleaning, smoking, drinking, bad moods, AND A BABY. I am NOT WILLING to get that old yet. No way Jose. I would be a crazy lady. A horrible mother. Wind up in the nutjob house. I have been thinking about a lot of past experiences lately too. All this smoke will makes me think of falling-in-love for the first time circa 1996. It always will I think. Every time it's smoky I have always thought of that August I met Chris Nelson..... scoundrel that he may be. There was a wind blowing then, a hot wind, like I have never felt since or before. I know that we have so much of those possibilites in our own souls, but that wind back then was like a wind from God or something. A magic one. Ever since then I have always kind of loved the smell of smoke, well, of forest-smoke that is. But this smoke keeps coming and coming these days, and I have to say, I am not reminiscing from it one speck anymore. I just want blue sky back.

I keep wondering if Art and I should put everything into storage and move into a trailer or something. Or a yurt or giant circus tent or something, like the miner's did. With our cats. I love our house and garden and what-not, but I do feel it is time Art and I live alone, without roommates, unless someday it be Heather and Darin. They, I would live with forever and ever. I just am dying to burrow into the nature, to not worry about streets and neighborhoods, to travel, to jump into rivers, to NOT drive, to sing all the time and to write. To drink coffee under pine mornings.

If I wasn't married, I know what I would do. I would save a few hundred bucks, quit my job, and probably take a Greyhound somewhere. Back to Louisiana or something....
But I am married, and I am gonna keep my job, and I am going to keep writing songs to free this ramblin' gamblin' man that somehow ended up inside my blood.