32nd post July 2006 Myspace

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Future Heroines and Heroes I love you
Current mood: weird
Category: Life


I just got back from a certain movie

And I am thinking a lot about my place in this world. And how I beat myself up so much over being so concerned about the world. I get embarrassed sometimes that I write lyrics about issues of the world that matter so deeply to me: True feminism as I think of it (vastly different than what the norm of "feminism" is), anti-war, pro-acceptance, pro changes in the world that get rid of hate. I am surrounded by rock-star-ish people, with amazing doses of talent in their blood, and I can get insecure and want to be more like them and less like me. I tend to not be able to help but write music about things that matter to me in the world, often times different than the broken-heart and sex issues of regular rocking out people. This causes me to feel inferior. After seeing this movie I feel better, like maybe all those supercool indie rocking out people are just old-school style and have old habits in music, and that some new kind of rock and roll or indie emo screamo demo will have more of a political edge and have something to say that can save the world.



I need to switch my thoughts over on this subject. In the meantime, my own music is EXTREMELY hard for me to feel confident about because its about stuff that matters so deeply to me. WOW that is pretty dumb...>The kids in Olympia seem to do pretty good at being really confident in making music about stuff they feel STRONGLY and EMOTIONALLY about that is going on in the world. They combine some kind of revolutionary aspect with a lot of their music and art. Here it seems like the only people that do that really, are older style new-age types, with entirely too blatant of lyrics that talk about how the earth needs our help or something like that. I get really uncomfortable around these types of shows. In fact it is one of my least favorite music to hear, because if anything it makes rad younger kids MAKE SURE TO NEVER play music with a political edge, because it looks so terrible coming from certain people.



Anyways, I played a show the other night, and it went completely well. Except that by the end of the show I was beating myself up, bad, in my mind. Not because my show went badly, but because super-rad-cool girls/ people played after me and they sang about plain old good ol fashioned romantic love and guns and whiskey and circuses and whats more, I EFFING LOVED THEIR MUSIC. I mean Tom Waits is one of my idols. I would have chosen exactly the same lyrics for songs, or gawl damn close, about true love and fixations and being buried and being married and whiskey and etc. EXCEPT THAT I DONT write those songs, they do. And I beat myself up about it! Instead I feel like my songs have to say something to the world and help inspire people motivationally to look at things with new eyes or to change their lives, or to change the world. Why this is so deeply embarrassing to me, I am trying to figure out. It is a two-headed monster that is for sure.



SO enough is enough. I guess its hard to find heroes and heroines in this day and age, and if I dont have really good examples for what it is exactly I am trying to be, then I have to just be my own heroine. But that is really fucking hard. I want to see old old couples still deeply in love and not chained by obligation. I want to hear the Yeah Yeah Yeahs sing about revolution and social change. I want to see kids with pink and purple hair in the Capitol, TALKING TO SENATORS. I want to see this stuff and I think its really lame that I am embarrassed, ever, to be an artist or musician that sings on stage or talks on stage about this stuff. I am going to try to believe in myself WAY MORE THAN THAT FROM NOW ON.


Currently listening :
The Best of 1980-1990
By U2
Release date: By 10 November, 1998

3:54 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -


darling nicotine


"Well, let's start a revolution in our heads."

- a ra


Posted by darling nicotine on Jul 18, 2006 6:36 PM
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heather

it will happen.

Posted by heather on Jul 19, 2006 2:33 PM
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