Sunday, November 19, 2006
the ol' wedding blues and bad purple hair
Current mood: cranky
Category: Life
So I am getting hitched this Friday. And I dearly love my beloved Art to a million gajillion pieces. So at least that parts all nailed down, you know. At least I am not having real relationship issues or cold feet or something real terrible.
But I find myself so saddened and so heartbroked by the dumbest of things. First off, my alleged "bachelorette party" (which i called my pre-wedding ghost town party) was this weekend. Unfortunately, it sort of felt like I was pulling teeth to even get my friends to make it to Grass Valley, much less a ghost town 45 minutes beyond. I was so stressed out by my grape explosion in the shower (BAD HAIR DYE) planning the cabin ordeal... buying supplies, affording anything, the car that I was taking out there breaking down on the most INCONVENIENT dangerous slope on Highway 49 that I am pretty sure everyone else had more fun than I did.
To make all matters worse, I have dreaded getting married for 13 years, because of the horror stories I have heard of "bachelor" parties. And of course, Art went and had his party the night I was far far far away with no working car and stuck with my friends that I dearly love, but don't know how much they even give a crap about such events.
So I got home the next day around 2pm, being driven by the very giving and patient Brianna Lea Pruett, and my heart had been sunken for more than an hour. I mean like tight painful knots in it. I was sure, after having a brief conversation with him, that either Art had gotten so drunk that something terrible had happened, or that someone hired a stripper even purely just as a joke. Seriously, I have been so so so so scared of this happening to my future fiance since I was 17, so scared I have thought I would never get married in the first place STRICTLY TO AVOID the horrible doubt and yuckiness I felt yesterday. So when I walked back into my home, my heart was in a painful bunch and I could not even speak to Art. Bri and Art and I quietly loaded all our dumb dirty cabin supplies into my already messy house. I could not even LOOK at Art, and it scared me that he was being quiet too. Then I finally did look at him. What I saw made my heart even more breaking. He was clearly still in clothes from the night before, and I am talking extremely tight, if not completely slutty, new pants. His makeup- which he only wears for very special occasions, and post-party hairdo were smeared all over the place. His eyes were tired and glazed, and he looked just a tiny bit guilty.
I died because I thought about a) what I might have missed out on and b) what fun he had without me and what that involved. After we finished unloading, with my heart in a heap, I went to my bed and cried for 25 minutes like a tiny baby. After he came in to comfort me I realized - after QUITE a bit of time- that my worst nightmares had not come true. Later I realized I was more jealous of his good time with his and my friends than anything else. They had just gotten him very very drunk- and he didn't quite remember past midnight. But nothing bad had happened, except his lack of consciouness. Still I felt sad.
And still, I feel sad. Inside, for dumb and insecure reasons I am sure, my heart hurts. I don't know why. I don't know if its cause I want to get dressed up now and go out on the town or something and have my own blitzed rock and roll party night.?. But a ghost town cabin-stay roaming around an old state park preservation without my true love just turned out to feel like I got jipped. Like, my party would have been way more fun if Art had been there. It just didn't measure up to 20 people buying you drinks lined up at a bar and having a ragingly alcoholic party afterwards with really loud music and weird events and tons of people running around. Maybe my cabin party was more rustic and representative of what my soul is, maybe it was a little more creative than a wild party at my friend's house, but I don't care. I still want one of those kind of partys for me and now its too late, I am gonna be un-single in no time.
Currently listening :
The Best of INXS
By INXS
Release date: By 15 October, 2002
6:53 PM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -
darling nicotine
your attitude is kinda crappy.... sars.
Posted by darling nicotine on Nov 20, 2006 7:48 AM
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Ryan
So I'm gonna clue you in...
Art got super shitty. So much so, that at 1:30 in the morning, 6 of us had to drag his ass out of bed. He hung out for a while, then he went back to bed. I gave him my permission.
People played drunken board games in my living room.
I grilled up one hell of a feast.
There were no strippers.
Cynthia was here.
It was awesome, and I hope that in retrospect, so was your bachelorette party.
I love you, Adrienne.
-Ryan
Posted by Ryan on Nov 20, 2006 3:09 PM
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Gus the Fish
damn. addie. cheer the fuck up. lifes great. arts great. cheer the fuck up! NOW!
Posted by Gus the Fish on Nov 21, 2006 5:09 AM
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vyktourya
No time like the present to get shitty wasted. Who cares if you're officially unsingle. You said it's more fun partying with him anyway. From the sounds of it, you've been emotionally unsingle for a while, so get rip-roaring drunk, run around, and have fun even if you are 'married and settled down.' xoxo
Posted by vyktourya on Nov 26, 2006 4:25 PM
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