Revel Sun

Ah morning glory revel in all things wild

In awe and bask in the midst of the galaxy's child

The light that spills to these shoulders warms my throat

And the diving butterflies leap at the air and float.

Clicks and caws from birds in the fir tips bright

Their feather sweet bodies curtsy and flit in flight

The tiny ballet of the hummingbirds grace to a sip

At the nectar put out in the hopes of privileged glimpse.

And below my place on my stilted high balcony

The waters rush forth over boulders and logs and trees,

And buzzing insects seem to delight in mid-air

Like snowflakes in sunshine to gleam in the moment we share.

And ladybugs swarm like cities on old oak stumps,

Tales of a bear bounding down-creek, his lumbering thump,

Tiny tunes hummed by the coo and the trickle of stream

As I run down the path in the breeze of a true half-dream.

Come upon driftwood, manzanita, the scenery shifts

The forest earth has turned dry and the sun blazes stiff,

I caution and listen for still air to rattle and slide,

But the snakes have all hidden in afternoon shade to abide.

How lucky am I on the face of this blue green place

To breathe of this garden in rhythm with the wild drum of grace

To sing out in forces that cannot keep still in my heart,

To love this golden land with an awe its mystical art.

Magical universe

Just when you think the universe has conspired against you, you may find out that the opposite has actually happened. Recently I did. Like Paulo Coelho says in The Alchemist "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." But the catch is, you have to be looking in the right places...

And to quote another on a similar subject-

"You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it

Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at

Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you"

Bjork.

The Horoscopes (above)

Our new deck!

And so it goes, and so I have known for quite some time. But sometimes I really get to staring in the wrong direction. Anyhow, here, today, May 28th 2011, I can say that I have felt the love of the universe in the recent weeks, and tremendously. I can be a stubborn girl, and I most definitely have been this past year. But the right path has found me! I just had to give in. I put up a terrible stupid fight first, and I suppose that wrestle was inevitable. There was no way around it if I was going to learn some very important lessons of my heart. Perhaps none of this makes sense to anyone, that's OK, it's just what I feel and what I know.

Another bit of the same kind of wisdom comes from the Tao Te Ching, but the book is an endeavor in itself and I wouldn't know what part of it to quote.

In a nutshell, Art and I were freezing in the old house and Art had to leave every Friday night to commute here to Nevada City where he would stay all weekend to work his two jobs. I missed him! After a year that got really old. Plus we were spending so much time and energy trying to keep our house warm this winter, it was like we were living in 1890! Art chopped kindling three times a week for at least an hour each time and we would do a line-up to move new wood into the house near the fireplace. Keeping the wood dry was a pain. Keeping the wood plentiful was a pain. Snow was everywhere, there was hardly any eave covering our front door outside so as soon as you walked out you were stepping into it. Despite the adorableness of that little forest storybook house, I have never been so glad to leave a place. Except for the stellar jays that were building a nest above our bathroom window. Except that.

Plus both mine and Art's souls needed music again! People to play with, to listen to, to hear new projects. Placerville definitely has an artistic movement going on, but it is much more cinema related lately. Music goes on there, but less frequently and there are fewer places to hear it and fewer musicians and bands in general. A whole plethora of signs began to point us back toward the golden land of Nevada County, where we met in the Fall of 2004, through music and musical friends. So we decided that we should come back, and this time (we hope :), it's a life decision. To make this town our homebase til we grow old! Hopefully there will be many travels and musical tours and adventures that lead us to other parts of the world, but this is our heart home. In the past three years I have needed to be closer to my family, to reconnect with them and to feel their bright humor and comfort and love. I have sometimes been intimidated by the music scene and the overwhelming amount of talent in Nevada City, and in late 2008 I felt that I needed to just be closer to the comforts of my family roots. But I've grown in so many ways since that time, and this little mountain town has so much going on, it is absolutely filled with fuel for one's fire. Really it's only a stone's throw from Heather & Fofe & Marm n' Pop. I like to think that my living here will give them all a reason to get OUT of Placerville a tad more oft?

Art behind me on an evening run.

Nevada City really has an active, health-oriented, open hearted, sometimes over-indulgent (in an awesome whiskey-drinking-occasion sort of way) community of fun and adventurous and musical souls. And there's a bit of gold fever (the constant belief and feeling that anything is possible), even in such a tiny town. For a mountain town, it's really progressive, but balanced by many kinds of people. There are things of an artistic nature going on daily: art openings, music shows, street faires, festivals, craft faires, farming adventures, theatre, farmer's markets and co-ops...the list goes on. There are amazing charter and waldorf and public schools for the possibility of raising one or two childies one fine day. Random people walk Broad Street on stilts, passing clowns, men with long white beards driving by in colorful go cart cars, street kids playing music on the sidewalk. There are myriad gardens, wildflowers, adorably decorated and painted homes, enchanted windows, verandas, and trellises. There are many people that live here but often traverse to distant lands to do their art or their craft. Subsequently there exists a constant stream of incoming legend and lore from the haps in faraway places and inspirations therein. The romantic in me appreciates such storytelling with all of my heart. To top off the icing on the golden land, since we have moved here I have: finished all my finals and got A's in m' classes thank the good lord, had a star-studded (so random!) birthday party for Art, had two wonderfully rad ladies (Mandy and Donelle from San Fran) stay the first weekend, played a show with best new band ever from Minneapolis Fort Wilson Riot, which was totally an honor, saw The Horoscopes and Agent Ribbons play in Grass Valley at the Tin House, went to an 80's dance party DJ'ed by Handsome Sam and Owen Lindsay at the National Hotel Bar , got free drinks all night because we accidentally crashed a wedding another night at the National Hotel, eaten and drinken at various outside patios (a fave pastime that was pretty hard to find in Pville), and gotten to hang out with so many old friends who seem to be having an adventure-revival of late. Why even tonight there is a show by the lovely Paula Frazer, Garrett Pierce, and the Moore Brothers at the Tin House. We played a Coal Beautiere show after just 4 days of having moved back, and we have another on June 22nd. I can feel adventure stirring up a mass of goodness in my soul! I actually should finish this little entry soon so I can go practice some piana songs.

Heather's writing and great energy that pours forth into her blog illustrates our new house MUCH better than I will be able to. Yet, at least! In her entry from yesterday she writes in detail about our amazing new house. And her photos! She is such a great photographer these days.

Some of my own (Iphone classics)

Our deck is like 30 plus feet tall! On these giant stilts overlooking the river.

This is the path down to our very own river beach!

Art at Ike's which has the loveliest patio and delicious organic Cajun-inspired fare and yummy mimosas and beer.

Getting ready for 80's night.

Art at the Ike's patio... waiting for the best gluten free sandwich ever!

Ummmmm, the HANDMADE baby bassinet that came with the place. The basket part comes out, it is so solid and smooth and shows such craftsmanship. The owner of this house was a carpenter and now this is his son's. "Available for tenant use" by the way!

Flowers along the sidewalk in Nevada City. Oh the California poppy, such a simple bright beauty.

The Blossoming

Today something broke through.

On my way to my first class today I stopped at Pony Espresso, one of my favorite places to get coffee and a scone. I commented on the sunshine and the owner/dad told me about how it seemed like Seattle weather of late. And then he said... "except up there they have clinics".... and i asked what he meant. He then proceeded to tell me about clinics up in the Northwest that help people from literally losing their minds from not getting enough sun. He said they have counseling and grow lights and other therapies! Has anyone ever heard of this? Anyhow, I have yet to look it up, but let me tell you that (as if you hadn't noticed) I TOTALLY could have used one of those in the past two months! I honestly have felt at times like I was on the brink of going insane. Like one more raindrop or snowflake would send me over the edge. I guess it's nothing new. Weather has always mattered to me greatly and I truly do love a climate with four distinct even-sized seasons. Sacramento is somewhat like that, but their winter is pretty shabby.

Speaking of Sacramento, that's where I am! I headed down to my Photoshop class today which is always an option and today I thought I would take advantage of the nice warm weather that I KNEW would be in Sacramento. It's true. It's been glorious. After class I went to Thunderhorse Vintage and picked up two adorable little dress numbers! The sweetheart there was so kind and friendly. Then I came to the Naked Lounge Coffee House and got one of my favorite things in the whole world. A blended mochachino. They make them without regular milk....just ice, espresso, sweetened condensed milk, and chocolate (I'm not sure if it is powder or liquid), and it seriously ALWAYS turns out like perfection. Nothing like those too-sweet other kinds of blended drinks that taste like they are infused with high fructose corn syrup. These mochachinos are ever so slightly bitter, very espresso-ish, and chocolatey sweet. Oh.... and there was NO WAY I was going to forfeit their offer of REAL whipped cream! Seriously, perfection on a warm day and I just had to pretend that spring has yes, completely and officially and warmly begun. I figure I am just going to manifest here..... It's time to be rid of the cold.



Why am I writing any of this? I am not sure. I guess I just am feeling my spirits lifting and it feels good and I want to write. I have been writing more lately, like I used to, in diaries, in poetry form, just for the easing of my heavy spirit. And now, as I feel the world on my shoulders become lighter too, I still want to. I miss those old diary dog days. Those days of the NECESSITY of carrying my diary with me to anywhere I went. Even to bars, I had to have the availability of my pen and blank paper. If I ever have kids they will really have a lot of junk to read someday. I must have about 30 plus diaries, maybe 40!

I have been working out alot lately, running my butt off, and yesterday I did some intense walking uphill workout on the treadmill. I watched one of my classes (it's a web stream thing) while walking for an hour and 15 minutes. Crazy thing is, it truly was HARDER than running 5 miles. My legs were much more sore afterwards! I decided that before I get prego, if it ever happens, I am really putting my ALL into getting into the best shape I have ever been in. I have had some realizations about that of late, it was always my goal to be really strong and fit one day. Mainly for the challenge, but also adding a few years to my life ain't bad. This is the best I think I have ever done at such at thing. It's been about 6-7 weeks and I have been running 10-15 miles a week and eating healthier than I ever have before. Which DOES NOT mean that I starve myself of things like an occasional mochachino! I'm not on a diet, just trying to eat all those healthy ways "they" always talk about. Complex carbs instead of processed, lots of salad, veggies, fruit, and protein. Rambling, diary, stuff no one really wants to know. Oh well, I guess it's time to make those little blank books my best friend again instead of pumping it all up to the web. Lately I feel a tiny bit weird about having so much public stuff up on the web. It's so strange how anyone can google you now and just find out about most anything they want to know. I am so relieved that I lived the dark/sketchier time of my life in an era when nothing was permanently recorded for all the world to see. It would have been better if I perhaps hadn't had to go through it at all, but we've all got our lessons to learn. How embarrassing for kids now though. Geez, make a couple of mistakes and they can be sure that in fifteen years those trials and error won't be forgotten! Someone will post that crap to the web! I guess it's incentive to stay on the straight and narrow.... no wandering, no drugs, no meanheadedness as best as you can. Our poor kids. They are going to have to be PERFECT their whole lives long!
Ok, so there's my blog about nothing, really. Just a dash of good hopes for the spring to come and a flash of gold for the upcoming summer.....

A Little Patchwork World

See them gold panners! Aren't they sweet?



This one above was made by a 14 year old!



Last Friday I go to go to the awesome California Museum on O St. in Sacramento as a field trip with my funny little Political Science class filled with 19 year olds. We took a nice tour bus. It was very kind. These photos are from the museum. There are some amazing and soul stirring relics there, I HIGHLY recommend it if anyone wants an idea for a sweet day jaunt to Sacramento. The museum was super hip with really great design elements for the exhibits. I was in love with them. I never take very many photos, but I just HAD TO! It made me THAT MUCH MORE in love with the state that I live in. Such a vast amount of history, luck, and success. I feel so blessed, truly, to have been born here.

But on to the less cheery me. Now I am on spring break. Funny thing is, my beloved Northern California is stuck in winter. Week after week the weather man keeps saying "well...it's gonna be quite a bit colder than average this week." But that's not a big deal, it's just the ongoing way of things this 2011. I mean, we have had some lovely days, but mostly they are 15 minutes away in Placerville, not at my house because we are too high up. Now we are out of firewood and this whole week is supposed to be very chilly and rainy. Sigh.


The most amazing quilt ever.

And today I just don't know very much. I know I am going to start packing my house but I don't know where we are going to move to. Yesterday I got rid of a ton of things, and plan to get rid of much more. Despite how much moving can suck, there is one thing I do really love about it, and about doing it somewhat frequently. GETTING RID OF STUFF. If you move now and again, you are reminded of the things you own, and I think this kind of consciousness is a good thing. I think it can't be good for your health to "own" tons of things that you never look at or use. I'm not sure the reasons for why it would be unhealthy for a person, but I just instinctually feel that it is. I, however, have a habit of moving like once or more a year..... which is probably way excessive. But so it goes.

I am guessing I am just having some kind of a identity crisis phase in the last couple of months. I miss everyone so much, but I don't know who I am missing. I yearn for something so much but I don't know what it is I yearn for. I desperately want to find a house so we are not just packing to move nowhere, but there is nothing available in Nevada City at all at the moment, so we are in complete limbo, a thing I have such a hard time with. The Hanged Man. I'm mad at myself for moving back and forth between Placerville and Nevada City so many times. I'm mad at myself that I'm just a giant mind-changing joke to my friends. Nevertheless my being an idiot, I know that things have happened exactly the way they HAD TO. There was no way around it inside myself. I just had to move to Placerville with Art two and a half years ago, and live in that sweet trailer on his Grandma's property so that I could be close to my family and he could get to know how awesome they are. So that we could have poker night and dance parties with my family and their other halves. We had to move back when Art got his great job at Ike's in Nevada City. And after a few months when I could no longer stand my job in Grass Valley or being away from my family it seemed destined that we move back here again, especially after finding this gem of a wooden storybook home. But now I realize how much I miss him every weekend, how much gas is costing, how much I miss going to lots of music shows and playing them, how families can drift apart and still be close, how lonesome it is up here in the snow and forest, and how much the way of things is just leading us to back to beautiful golden Nevada City, AGAIN. .....At least it seems the signs are pointing there.....



But I know it is nonetheless inevitable, it's happening, it HAS to happen. And I hope once it happens someone chains me to a rock there and I never ever change my mind again. In fact, I can almost promise I won't- sheerly out of pure pride. And lately I have this weird internal struggle where I don't know what kind of person I am, I feel I don't fit in with any kind of group. I feel like a rebel, a loner.....hah! that's a PeeWee Herman quote. But no, I just feel like such a misfit, not a terrible one, but one nonetheless- like in that claymation Rudolph Christmas Special. Some close family and friends tell me I am the "Queen of Complaining" but I really don't think it is so. I just think I have been trying to fit my square peg into a bunch of different circles for way to long now, and I just have to carve out my own little space now or something. And big deal that I complain when things haven't ever fit quite right, or when I have felt out of my element, or when I am uttlerly freezing to the bone, and perhaps I'll just have to learn to live with that forever.....not fitting. I'll just have to grabs bits and pieces of the beauty around me and try to piece together a little patchwork world of misfits and underdogs and sunshine and pine trees and Christmas snow that I DO fit in with. Weirdos, boy-girls, gold panners, other incorrigible drama queens by admittance, perhaps we can find each other. I do like duality. I like that life has both ups and downs. It makes the ups just so much more fun and gorgeous. Sure it isn't exciting to be gloomy for a bit, or to get mad at something that you can't control, or to be a grump once in a while..... but it is just PLAIN REALITY. No matter what, you can't deny it. I don't care who you are. If you claim to be living on a Happy Cloud and that nothing can touch you, eventually you will cave and the monster in you will rear it's ugly face. You can't suppress the duality of life. I have seen it countless times whilst waiting on total new age hippie types in the sushi restaurant I worked at, they act super dreamy and happy for a minute and then you catch a lashingof anger that spews from their eyes (or words) if their food is running late or if you don't have gluten-free soy sauce or you are out of pickled burdock root. That's what I am talking about. How did I even start? I am not sure..... All I know is, it's GOOD to get the sadness out, to express the darkness, to let dissatisfaction reign once in a while. No one can suppress that shit forever, or even for a month. And so here I am... admitting the down time, waiting on a life that I am not sure is even out there for me.... wondering if I can ever fit in with any group of friends..... wondering why I am not more witty, not more easygoing, not more lighthearted, not less of a complainer. Wondering why I am the type that is even asking myself these questions in the first place. Arrrgh.

Some things have happened recently that I thought were destiny, that I thought happened for a reason.... that I thought were going to refresh my belief in magic. But then, it was like that great-god-in-the-sky/ universe/ whatever- was just having a big old giant laugh at my blind faith. Like magical things occurred for no reason. (I was shown my dream house, even better than the one I live in now, mindblowingly perfect and tailored to my best dream) and then it was like God had a big laugh on my behalf. All because we have cats, there was "NO WAY POSSIBLE" that we could move there. And it wasn't like we could have hid it, because supposedly the landlord was "deathly seriously" allergic. And not just that. Other signs and tidbits of destiny that seem all jumbled up and don't make sense. It's like I am in a whirlwind of nonsense, no direction, just reaching out and grabbing random things that blow by in the wind.



At this I guess I don't really care if we don't move into that super cheap -in Nevada City- mansion from 1915... but I do care that i don't know what my future holds. I don't know if the universe is trying to tell me that the whole idea/ path is wrong.

At least I know some things that I do want. I want to live where it is spring time, planting time, in March. I want a garden. I want to live with my cats. I want a giant closet in my room. I want to make music.



It was about 70 degrees in Sacramento on the day of my field trip and there were flowers everywhere in the sunshine. OH the longing in my heart for warmth.













Hope all of YOUR days are going better than mine.

Peace, Love, and sometimes ... the Gloom.


Adie

After the Storm

I encourage you to push play on the song below. It's one of the prettiest beauties in my mind lately. It's by Mumford & Sons, and it's called After The Storm.



"There will come a time ,you'll see, with no more tears
and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

For a day like today, it goes perfectly. For a strange sad month like this past March, it also goes perfectly. The sun has never felt so welcome in this Northern California world, all of my friends and family also praising it's glory.



Two days ago my beloved Abigail the kitty died. It was very sudden, which makes it difficult. She was my first cat. I got her at a feed store when I moved into my first apartment at age 19. It was a little studio apartment, it looked like it was in a warehouse, with a strange old wooden long porch outside next to a non-functioning ice machine. Next door there was a bar called "The Copper Rail". I lived there all alone and the place wasn't very close to town, so I wanted some kitten company. Abby used to jump all over me when I went to bed, playing with my feet as kittens do. I called her a "piece of popcorn" cause she would jump so high sporadically as I was trying to get to bed. So spunky and sweet was she. She was my first roommate.

A couple of pictures from that era...that long lost life before.



Abby used to get bone thin and long and lean every single summer, and in the winters she would get roly poly like a butter ball. This kind of seasonal transformation went on for years. But as she found herself more than a decade old, I think she settled somewhere in between, preferring our laps to her long days outside chasing the lizards and bluebirds. And once she began to truly prefer laps, it was there that she sought day in and day out. A lap was all she wanted, besides a wee bit of food and fresh water. I will miss her something awful.

Sometime circa 2001-02, Abby went missing for about three or four months. I didn't live at home with my parents where she lived at the time as I was really a rambler back in the day and didn't end up keeping Abby with me for more than a few months, so she became our "family cat". One afternoon I made a routine stop-off at my parents and was in the middle of a breakup with my boyfriend of over a couple years. I was on the phone with him in the backyard, having some kind of an argument and crying. I am sure I was pretty damn loud. But my emotional spat and sorrow quickly came to a halt when Abby, who no one had seen for months, came literally bounding right into my arms. I told Mike I would talk to him later and hung up immediately. I'll never forget how much that moment helped me at that time. I was so overjoyed that Abby had come back and forgot all about my silly heart woes for days. She was my sister. A sister soul. She must have known then, somewhere in her little cat heart, that her return would help me. She was always very devoted to me, I noticed, above all others. I felt like she would drop what she was doing the moment I came to my parents house or to Heather's house where she later lived, and she would come to me. I totally didn't deserve it because I was only a windswept, scatterbrain of a child when I got her, and wasn't a very good mama. Heather was always more of a mama to her than I was. But maybe Abby loved her life so. I like to think it is. And maybe she was always just showing her appreciation for being selected from the box at the feed store that day. I like to think of animals as completely aware and intelligent, and so I will just think it so.

My heart won't ever forget her. And I hope she is feeling the rays of sun that came out this lovely day.
As I wrote on Heather's sweet blog about her-
Oh universe, I suppose I couldn't bear to live if I did indeed believe it all just stopped, just went away for good, never to return or to come back to our hearts. It keeps me sane, in all this sweetness and sad wonderful beauty, to believe that somehow this whole damn thing goes on forever, and nothing, nothing at all, is ever lost in the mess.

Lately, despite all of the sadness and melancholy that has been about, my heart has still been soaring here and there. I don't know why exactly, but it does make the sorrow easy. I think perhaps I know more than ever what a damn miracle we are in the very midst of, every single moment. I don't know why it would be now that such knowledge would permeate my soul more than ever, or perhaps it is from the sadness itself that I am able to know so thoroughly my own privilege and gratefulness, but whatever the new tiny joy is that is peeking it's eyes out from under the snow and tears, I am excited for every day to begin, and to know all of you more and more and more.

My morning tarot

If I had to label myself anything, I s'pose I'd call myself a mystic and a member of the non-existent Church of Tom Waits & The Cure-Listening, Animal & Jesus-Loving, Tim & Eric-Watching Nicies.... That being said....I do indeed read the Tarot. I learned back in 2002-03 when I ventured forth to the city of Portland and lived there alone in a new world that was brimming with dive bars, possibility and excitement. After a couple months of solitude some friends moved there and we got a house together, but I spent VERY much time alone adventuring through and exploring the awesome innards of that glittering emerald mekka. I found a great job waitressing in old town and often I would go out on the east side alone on my way home. I didn't stay living in Portland more than 9 months, because my California tan wanted so badly to wear skirts and sandals in April and May, and I found that in Portland the rain rumours were indeed quite true. Plus I just missed everyone else. But I began learning the art of reading the card-signs by taking my tarot cards out on adventures with me. At first I would go sit in Pioneer Square and I would just ask some stranger who didn't look too hurried if they might let me read cards for them and then afterwards tell me how I did. This took a lot of guts, but I somehow mustered them up and followed through. This initial success led to subsequent night-wanderings into many local dive bars where I pursued the same practice. Portland perhaps has more cool dive bars than any other city I have ever been to. There's like 600. Ones that come to mind are The Sandy Hut (which people happily nicknamed "The Handy Slut :), the Hungry Tiger, Slabtown, My Father's Place, but the memories of other ones go on and on and on. There is NO LACK of serious imbibement, pinball machines, people watching, live music, great food, and $1 Pabsts in Portland. In fact, just writing this blog may be inspiration to throw together a school spring break northwest divebar adventure with my Arthie....fast, before there's a baby in m' belly!

Anyhoo, back to the Tarot. I ended up wandering a few nights a week, alone, into neighborhood bars, planting my patootie down on a stool, singling out a victim (some of the time they were nice looking fellows :), and asking the person if they would like a reading. In the end I started even charging 3$ a read! So funny when I look back at it. I had this idea that I would become a nationally famous, dive-bar hopping Tarot reader, reading Tarot for bargoers from Tennesee to Tucson and back to Portland. Such a dork. But I learned ALOT. People really took to my readings and out of all the times I have ever read for anyone, only once was the person skeptical and weird about it, and the funny thing about that was THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE CARDS were telling me! That he was skeptical and needed to open his heart, etc. Other than that, almost EVERY SINGLE TIME I have ever read cards for anyone the "write-on" :) results have surprised not only the person I am reading for but myself as well! They are almost always spot on and I am always prepared to for them to be totally NOT so I am always surprised. Especially lately since I left them mostly on a shelf for a few years. I tend to warn people that the cards are usually right but I can't guarantee anything and one thing is for sure, IT IS NOT ME! I have no talent in this thing other than just telling the person what the cards say, and that ain't talent! It is a really strange thing to do, however, and I take extra precaution about the future card because of this magical synchronicity. Tarot readers must be VERY careful not to detail the future. The future card is simply the most probable outcome if the person getting their cards read continues on THE PATH THAT THEY ARE CURRENTLY ON. There should be no scary or ominous future readings, ever. Because the future is in THAT PERSON'S HANDS and any decision they make can change that outcome. I often tell them that simply my reading of the cards WILL change the future because if they don't like the direction the cards are telling them they are headed in they will make sure to make a life change.

And I myself needed the universal voice this morning. And so I read. And to my delight, the cards gave me the assertiveness and guidance I was looking for. Alot of Christians think tarot cards are evil. But in my mind they are simply hardly different than saying a prayer. In both instances you are asking for guidance from the universe. For me the tarot is very spiritual AND IN NO WAY QUESTIONABLE AT ALL OR BAD. I believe God is far vaster and less human than most religious people imagine it to be, and therefore has the impermeating ability to soak into the tiny details and signs of your life all around you. In fact those signs ARE ALWAYS everywhere around you, it's just that often our eyes cannot see them. To me, the tarot cards simply harness those signs for a moment in time and spell those signs out directly. But the same exact instinct, direction, inner voice, etc already encompasses you, perhaps you just haven't noticed outright. These cards just make it clear. I am not playing with anything "dark" or "evil" when I read these cards because I read them with a heart of kindness and realness that knows that what the cards say could also be answered by contemplating deeply, prayer, friend's advice, and other paths of clarity and decision making. I do not believe that even the "ominous" looking cards (Eight of Cups, Ten of Swords, Nine of Swords) are ever "bad". I do not LET IN any darkness and so therefore I refuse to believe the old school christian ideas that think this practice to be of the devil. However.... when reading the cards, one must be careful not to overdramatize or draw unhealthy conclusions from them, especially ones that make the person looking for an answer uncomfortable or scared. FEAR is truly what the old school folks called "the Devil". Fear is the only Devil I know.




A song by me/Coal Beautiere (which is not another name for myself! just happens to be what I named my little bandy and it does not mean "dark beauty" it means "hold only to what is real and can withstand time") called Modern Dayz, which talks about those signs that are really all around you but easier to see sometimes with the tarot. Just gave it a listen for the first time in many moons, and it sure sounds a bit jumbled coming from my Macbook! Ah well.....


Here is a bit look at my funny Hollywood deck, which is quite hilarious. I picked it up in 1998 or so at The Garden Of Enchantment. (Yep Heather our favorite old magical shop from Old Sacramento!) Contrary to popular belief, I think that the idea that buying yourself Tarot cards is JUST AS RELIABLE as getting them from a friend, since I bought these and the book that goes along with them with my own money and they have worked out just great. But this deck is SOOOO cheesy looking. The book even says things like "A man resembling Sean Connery wears a crown and holds a golden wand." I'm NOT JOKING! But in 1998 I myself was new age/Hollywood/cheesy as hell (still am-ish). What gets me the most about this deck is the Lovers cards. It is possibly the cheesiest, dorkiest, tackiest, worst image of lovers I have ever seen. Funnily enough, that's kind of what I think about the idea of head-over-heels love these days- cheesy, tacky, and all around often lame. Being married and all, I guess I am partial to the companionship and committed version of long term love.....maybe that's what the illustrator thought too. Because the "friendship" and "wish fulfillment" cards are MUCH BETTER!

The infamous Lovers card, hilarious! What? Headband? Starjacket? Feathered hair.......LOVE IT! SO symbolically true:


Friendship, Two of Cups


Wish Fulfillment: Nine of Cups


The World


The High Priestess




Below are some cards from a different deck I purchased in Portland. It's a bit more timeless. :)