Monday, November 14, 2005
Green Sparkly Tea and Chocolate
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Romance and Relationships
Was my breakfast. I have been reading about religion and stuff today because of a yuck nightmare I had on Friday night. See, I am not scared of death, but I am scared of mean people who are really mean in numbers. Make any sense? Guess I am a strong but tender soul. Anyways, Love I love you, I do. And good drives in the mornings now, Fall silently screaming to me from the ribs of the mines and the belly cloud side, come Monday and Tuesday. And Tuesdays. Tuesdays always been the bluest windiest most memorable day of the week. Really I just like the name. Like I like the number 222. And twosday is the second day of the week. And my grandma was born on 2-22, and my brother two. Oh, and every second is the 2nd one!
What the heck? I don't know. I just was thinking about working at this huge old antique pizza parlor restaurant on day shift in Portland, when it would rain outside. And Marti, the wife-owner, would go get us chocolate cake and we would drink tea and talk about life if lunch was slow. And she showed me just how to mix enough white glue and water to add any old National Geographic pics to the muriad of wonderfulness that is still covering every bit of the wall in the Women's Toilette. And the Chinese Gardens were across the way. And Patti Griffin would be singin so slow and sad. Later that all changed when I took over the CDs with the new owner and we played only only 80s music all the time. This year I went back to visit 222 NW Davis Street and sure enough. The same 80's song rockin.
DONT FORGET ME WHEN I'm GONE. Christian I love you wild cheeky bartender that you are! I am gonna find you guys again forever! My Father's Place and Pabst and pinball and your pool halls! Record shops and 32nd and Belmont. I hated the cold, but I miss the lifetime that it was now. Brick churches, gold leaves, indie EVERYTHING TO THE MAX UNIVERSE!, 1968, Fairport Convention, discovering Tyrannosaurus Rex and old cold woodsy Record shops on Hawthorne, Sandy Blvd. gross thrift stores, the Laurelthirst, the Laurelhurst, the Stumptown madness, the Sandy Hut, Beulahland, what was that other TOTAL DIVE bar on Sandy there? Oh, the BarFly Bar tiny zine that told you every day who had dollar Pabst at their bar! Portland, I owe you one!
ALL MY HEART FOR TO TRAVEL INTO ONE
Currently listening :
Kidnapped by Neptune
By Scout Niblett
Release date: By 10 May, 2005
Friday, July 04, 2008
5th post November 2005/ Myspace
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Yo to the Pirates and the Pixies
Current mood: artistic
Category: Art and Photography
Hi guys. It’s rad good weather theses days. Go out and jump into a pile of fall leaves and be cold there. Scream and sing. Kiss your friends on the lips all the time. Make alot of weird new idiotic art tonight. Throw your TV out of a 3rd story window. Hug a policeman. Take a picture of all of your friends eyes up close. Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I owe my Mom big time forever and I love and adore her and she is my heroine. I feel like sneezing is a good thing. I think I am in love with love. I drive so early and the colours of this fall are KILLING me and then I think, “wow, this is just the beginning. I am in love with everyone.” I can tell, because the feeling in the air isn’t tinged with sadness. There have been times in my life when I was even particularly Falling In LOVE (hell) with one person, and so stoked and everything, but for some ODD reason I couldn’t quite put my finger on, there seemed to be deep sadness running underneath it all. I would just swush it away and think, “no way, this’ll NEVER turn sad.” But then later, with sad sad psychotic exboyfriends whom buckle under the pressure of simple social standards, the sadness from before made perfect sense. I guess I took on their veins of insecurities and angers in myself, but now, LORDY! It’s all me. I done worked a long time to get this all to myself, and to know, it’s all happy, because I am happy. Even if I have had a really hard year, true, still I, ADRIENNE LEAH, DO NOT HAVE A DEEP RUNNING SORROW OR BROKEN HATRED IN ME. I believe in magic. Really I do. I believe in sweet hearts. Really I do. I believe in LOVE and all things musical. I believe I can do anything I want. In fact, I KNOW I Can Do Anything I Want. So I am simply left with, What Do I Want? I am simply left with my own joy and my own happy love of people, and MY OWN pains in the asses when those come. But they are NEVER tinged with Sorrow like that. They never were growing up either. I’ve just had a bad run of luck with some seriously mentally DISTURBED men, who were total pessimists. My least fave thing ITW.
Oh, to the possibilities of how we can make the world better and better and better and better. I mean, funner and funner and funner.(in the true ways)"and I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now." True that. TRRRUUUEE dat.
Currently listening :
Still Lookin' Good to Me
By Band of Blacky Ranchette
Release date: By 07 October, 2003
Yo to the Pirates and the Pixies
Current mood: artistic
Category: Art and Photography
Hi guys. It’s rad good weather theses days. Go out and jump into a pile of fall leaves and be cold there. Scream and sing. Kiss your friends on the lips all the time. Make alot of weird new idiotic art tonight. Throw your TV out of a 3rd story window. Hug a policeman. Take a picture of all of your friends eyes up close. Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I owe my Mom big time forever and I love and adore her and she is my heroine. I feel like sneezing is a good thing. I think I am in love with love. I drive so early and the colours of this fall are KILLING me and then I think, “wow, this is just the beginning. I am in love with everyone.” I can tell, because the feeling in the air isn’t tinged with sadness. There have been times in my life when I was even particularly Falling In LOVE (hell) with one person, and so stoked and everything, but for some ODD reason I couldn’t quite put my finger on, there seemed to be deep sadness running underneath it all. I would just swush it away and think, “no way, this’ll NEVER turn sad.” But then later, with sad sad psychotic exboyfriends whom buckle under the pressure of simple social standards, the sadness from before made perfect sense. I guess I took on their veins of insecurities and angers in myself, but now, LORDY! It’s all me. I done worked a long time to get this all to myself, and to know, it’s all happy, because I am happy. Even if I have had a really hard year, true, still I, ADRIENNE LEAH, DO NOT HAVE A DEEP RUNNING SORROW OR BROKEN HATRED IN ME. I believe in magic. Really I do. I believe in sweet hearts. Really I do. I believe in LOVE and all things musical. I believe I can do anything I want. In fact, I KNOW I Can Do Anything I Want. So I am simply left with, What Do I Want? I am simply left with my own joy and my own happy love of people, and MY OWN pains in the asses when those come. But they are NEVER tinged with Sorrow like that. They never were growing up either. I’ve just had a bad run of luck with some seriously mentally DISTURBED men, who were total pessimists. My least fave thing ITW.
Oh, to the possibilities of how we can make the world better and better and better and better. I mean, funner and funner and funner.(in the true ways)"and I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now." True that. TRRRUUUEE dat.
Currently listening :
Still Lookin' Good to Me
By Band of Blacky Ranchette
Release date: By 07 October, 2003
4th post/ Myspace November 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Adie of the 80's take a walk down memo lane
Current mood: complacent
Hi peoples. How's it going. I like 80's music lately ALOT. Sometimes I think it has to do with my name being 80 and all.
So let's hit a few faves once again.
Eternal Flame By the Bangles. Oh this song makes me smile. My first tape ever. What was yours? Kyrie Eleison Does anyone know what the crap I am talking about? This SONG is pretty cool. It says this old chant that means God Have Mercy. This song is by Mr. Mister . He sings Kierie Eleison down the road that I must travel Kierie Eleison through the darkness of the night..... etc. etc. etc. Toy Soldiers This one's by Martika and later Eminem used it . Girl, I'm Gonna Miss You It's a tragedy for me to see the dream is over, and I never will forget the day we met, GIGMY. you remember Father Figure George Michael This song is kind of really perverted but it is still so damn good and I don't even know why. True Spandau ballet OK damn I love this song. I think it's really because once I got so crazy high with Ruebi and then I did all this really fun ballet to the song and it was like I WAS THE SONG. you get it. Don't You Forget About Me i really don't need to say much more about this one Heaven I totally dig this song by Bryan Adams .... and baby your'e all that I need, when I'm lyin here in your arms I need to cover this one with some people sometime With or Without You yes of course u2 hit the nail for this one JUST LIKE HEAVEN I have loved this song for so freaking long that it is stupid. I think perhaps I have FINALLY reached the point where it is just not All That to me anymore. But I will still jump around to it if I'm dancing. Living on a Prayer this song is by a band called Bon Jovi and it made my 6th grade heart go crazy. Freedom Lately this song is in my brain, by WHAM this is a really good song. I recommend a listen in the near future.
OK so now you go through the songs in your mind and think about the memory, anything, you associate with it. Sorry kids, this one's for the 1980 and before borners. Eternal Flame was the dream of my heart, 6th grade. My first tape because I was the oldest and a late bloomer. It reminds me of Deborah with the big boobs in 6th grade, and throwing fake bags of yellow dyed water at the boys across the street and telling them it was pee. Kyrie Eleison This song reminds me of my first trip out of state. To Utah, because I was Mormon, and so it was really exciting to see a freeway and a salt flat and wear cute skirts and be thirteen and in Junior High. Oh boys, oh how we loved the boys. Toy Soldiers I kind of get a yucky feeling about this song. Like someone tripped me at the Roller Rink or something I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it was just the rat race of being a G.A.T.E. kid in a junior high for "special" kids far away from my friends from elementary. Girl I'm Gonna Miss You OK this song gives me a good feeling. Things were exciting. I probably got my period and made gross jokes about bra sizes with my friend Lynsee while we did a paper route at 5 in the morning by her house. We drank peach schnapps, the first liquor I did ever taste. But just a taste. Father Figure Another taste of 6th grade. babysitting alot. The only good thing that ever came from babysitting was that I got to eat alot of new flavors of ice cream, watch MTV after the kids were sleeping, and read the sex scenes from the mom's romance novels. True Maybe songs like this were on par with People are People by Depeche Mode, and were the first hints in me that I was taking a "progressive" style. What the hell? Later it was practically all out MOD. Don't You Forget About Me well, this song sinks in along the more mod era in me. dancing really lankily and wearing lots of black and knee highs, well pretty much dressing practically the same as I do now. OK I AM GETTING BORED. THIS WAS A FUN IDEA, but it's over now. So anyways, if you ever have too much time on your hands, try it out. Oh WAIT, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam is on right now with HEAD TO TOE.
I am out. Love you all.
Currently listening :
INXS - Greatest Hits
By INXS
Release date: By 01 November, 1994
Adie of the 80's take a walk down memo lane
Current mood: complacent
Hi peoples. How's it going. I like 80's music lately ALOT. Sometimes I think it has to do with my name being 80 and all.
So let's hit a few faves once again.
Eternal Flame By the Bangles. Oh this song makes me smile. My first tape ever. What was yours? Kyrie Eleison Does anyone know what the crap I am talking about? This SONG is pretty cool. It says this old chant that means God Have Mercy. This song is by Mr. Mister . He sings Kierie Eleison down the road that I must travel Kierie Eleison through the darkness of the night..... etc. etc. etc. Toy Soldiers This one's by Martika and later Eminem used it . Girl, I'm Gonna Miss You It's a tragedy for me to see the dream is over, and I never will forget the day we met, GIGMY. you remember Father Figure George Michael This song is kind of really perverted but it is still so damn good and I don't even know why. True Spandau ballet OK damn I love this song. I think it's really because once I got so crazy high with Ruebi and then I did all this really fun ballet to the song and it was like I WAS THE SONG. you get it. Don't You Forget About Me i really don't need to say much more about this one Heaven I totally dig this song by Bryan Adams .... and baby your'e all that I need, when I'm lyin here in your arms I need to cover this one with some people sometime With or Without You yes of course u2 hit the nail for this one JUST LIKE HEAVEN I have loved this song for so freaking long that it is stupid. I think perhaps I have FINALLY reached the point where it is just not All That to me anymore. But I will still jump around to it if I'm dancing. Living on a Prayer this song is by a band called Bon Jovi and it made my 6th grade heart go crazy. Freedom Lately this song is in my brain, by WHAM this is a really good song. I recommend a listen in the near future.
OK so now you go through the songs in your mind and think about the memory, anything, you associate with it. Sorry kids, this one's for the 1980 and before borners. Eternal Flame was the dream of my heart, 6th grade. My first tape because I was the oldest and a late bloomer. It reminds me of Deborah with the big boobs in 6th grade, and throwing fake bags of yellow dyed water at the boys across the street and telling them it was pee. Kyrie Eleison This song reminds me of my first trip out of state. To Utah, because I was Mormon, and so it was really exciting to see a freeway and a salt flat and wear cute skirts and be thirteen and in Junior High. Oh boys, oh how we loved the boys. Toy Soldiers I kind of get a yucky feeling about this song. Like someone tripped me at the Roller Rink or something I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it was just the rat race of being a G.A.T.E. kid in a junior high for "special" kids far away from my friends from elementary. Girl I'm Gonna Miss You OK this song gives me a good feeling. Things were exciting. I probably got my period and made gross jokes about bra sizes with my friend Lynsee while we did a paper route at 5 in the morning by her house. We drank peach schnapps, the first liquor I did ever taste. But just a taste. Father Figure Another taste of 6th grade. babysitting alot. The only good thing that ever came from babysitting was that I got to eat alot of new flavors of ice cream, watch MTV after the kids were sleeping, and read the sex scenes from the mom's romance novels. True Maybe songs like this were on par with People are People by Depeche Mode, and were the first hints in me that I was taking a "progressive" style. What the hell? Later it was practically all out MOD. Don't You Forget About Me well, this song sinks in along the more mod era in me. dancing really lankily and wearing lots of black and knee highs, well pretty much dressing practically the same as I do now. OK I AM GETTING BORED. THIS WAS A FUN IDEA, but it's over now. So anyways, if you ever have too much time on your hands, try it out. Oh WAIT, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam is on right now with HEAD TO TOE.
I am out. Love you all.
Currently listening :
INXS - Greatest Hits
By INXS
Release date: By 01 November, 1994
3rd post/ October 2005 Myspace
Thursday, October 27, 2005
San Francisco it IS NOT!!!
Current mood: blank
I changed my mind dear-ones. I will be relocating to the lovely Nevada City come next week. I will have a job there. I will be spotted in front of Cafe Mekka and The National Hotel and sometimes Charlie's Angels in Grass Valley. My home is nestled in the enchanted woods and I hope to be connected via the WORLD WIBE WEB. So even if I don't see you, say, at Union Square, perhaps we will chat at St. Joseph's Art and Cultural Center that used to be an 1860's orphanage someday. Or you can hear me tomorrow playing tiny tinkly piano songs on KDVS 90.3 for a show we call "Cool as Folk". Radical bananas.
Currently listening :
The Definitive Collection
By Lionel Richie
Release date: By 04 February, 2003
3:34 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -
mikie
Anywhere that "used to be an 1860's orphanage someday" is good enough for me.
Posted by mikie on Oct 27, 2005 5:17 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]
San Francisco it IS NOT!!!
Current mood: blank
I changed my mind dear-ones. I will be relocating to the lovely Nevada City come next week. I will have a job there. I will be spotted in front of Cafe Mekka and The National Hotel and sometimes Charlie's Angels in Grass Valley. My home is nestled in the enchanted woods and I hope to be connected via the WORLD WIBE WEB. So even if I don't see you, say, at Union Square, perhaps we will chat at St. Joseph's Art and Cultural Center that used to be an 1860's orphanage someday. Or you can hear me tomorrow playing tiny tinkly piano songs on KDVS 90.3 for a show we call "Cool as Folk". Radical bananas.
Currently listening :
The Definitive Collection
By Lionel Richie
Release date: By 04 February, 2003
3:34 AM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -
mikie
Anywhere that "used to be an 1860's orphanage someday" is good enough for me.
Posted by mikie on Oct 27, 2005 5:17 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]
2nd post October 2005 diaries/ from Myspace
Monday, October 03, 2005
Dreams Of Flying
Current mood: creative
Last night I dreamt I found eternity and knew there was not really such thing as dying and I could fly. Mountains were crumbling and the earth was caving in and everyone was very scared, but I died in the beginning of the dream so I wasn't scared anymore. Plus, after "dying", I was flying and back on the planet with everyone except I could fly and no one else could. I remember descending out of some light in the sky to help everyone not be upset cause the world was ending! And I kept trying to tell them there was no such thing as death so no one had to be so scared of it, because we had eternity. Death was just some weird moment and if you let go not only could you fly, but you could go through doors and live forever. Plus you could go anywhere, and there were a plenty of new anywheres to go.
Wildness!
I remember pushing a shopping cart in the rain at midnight in London, running, with you in it. ( Ali) And Jacob G. pushing it too. And all of us getting soaked, somewhat drunk, and laughing so hard.
Life is great.
Currently listening :
Noah's Ark
By CocoRosie
Release date: By 13 September, 2005
6:01 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -
stephen
i feel a lot of people feel that dieing is an end like they think that birth is the beginning. but i feel that we as everything else is made up of energy, with conciouse thought comes conciouse restrictions, but the energy itself has been around since the dawn of creation, there is no beginning no end, just lots of changes. have you read carlos castaneda?
Dreams Of Flying
Current mood: creative
Last night I dreamt I found eternity and knew there was not really such thing as dying and I could fly. Mountains were crumbling and the earth was caving in and everyone was very scared, but I died in the beginning of the dream so I wasn't scared anymore. Plus, after "dying", I was flying and back on the planet with everyone except I could fly and no one else could. I remember descending out of some light in the sky to help everyone not be upset cause the world was ending! And I kept trying to tell them there was no such thing as death so no one had to be so scared of it, because we had eternity. Death was just some weird moment and if you let go not only could you fly, but you could go through doors and live forever. Plus you could go anywhere, and there were a plenty of new anywheres to go.
Wildness!
I remember pushing a shopping cart in the rain at midnight in London, running, with you in it. ( Ali) And Jacob G. pushing it too. And all of us getting soaked, somewhat drunk, and laughing so hard.
Life is great.
Currently listening :
Noah's Ark
By CocoRosie
Release date: By 13 September, 2005
6:01 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove -
stephen
i feel a lot of people feel that dieing is an end like they think that birth is the beginning. but i feel that we as everything else is made up of energy, with conciouse thought comes conciouse restrictions, but the energy itself has been around since the dawn of creation, there is no beginning no end, just lots of changes. have you read carlos castaneda?
Diary of Blogs from Myspace starting August 05
I am putting these here. Partly as backup to the system. Etc. etc.......
First one!
August 24, 2005
SAN FRANCISCO IT IS!!! :)
Current mood: chipper
Yay! Yay! and Yay! Scratching on Los Angeles, city of lost angels. I am going to move to the most mystical and enchanting city in my life. San Francisco! And you know what?
I thought I would never move there because I didn't want to ruin the mystery and loveliness of that city. Eff that! I am going to make it work, damn it! Burlesque, boudoirs, bathhouse, eucalyptus and all! That's like not falling in love with someone because you are too interested. I guess that is the way of the traditional "troubadour". My muse will be, my muse will be, my golden view of the heart of the world. Edna St. Vincent Millay said- AND I QUOTE
The world stands out on either side
No wider than the heart is wide;
Above the world is stretched the sky,— 205
No higher than the soul is high.
The heart can push the sea and land
Farther away on either hand;
The soul can split the sky in two,
And let the face of God shine through. 210
But East and West will pinch the heart
That can not keep them pushed apart;
And he whose soul is flat—the sky
Will cave in on him by and by.
Wake up!!! The world is inside of you!
Currently reading :
The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life
By Deepak Md Chopra
Release date: By 28 September, 2004
First one!
August 24, 2005
SAN FRANCISCO IT IS!!! :)
Current mood: chipper
Yay! Yay! and Yay! Scratching on Los Angeles, city of lost angels. I am going to move to the most mystical and enchanting city in my life. San Francisco! And you know what?
I thought I would never move there because I didn't want to ruin the mystery and loveliness of that city. Eff that! I am going to make it work, damn it! Burlesque, boudoirs, bathhouse, eucalyptus and all! That's like not falling in love with someone because you are too interested. I guess that is the way of the traditional "troubadour". My muse will be, my muse will be, my golden view of the heart of the world. Edna St. Vincent Millay said- AND I QUOTE
The world stands out on either side
No wider than the heart is wide;
Above the world is stretched the sky,— 205
No higher than the soul is high.
The heart can push the sea and land
Farther away on either hand;
The soul can split the sky in two,
And let the face of God shine through. 210
But East and West will pinch the heart
That can not keep them pushed apart;
And he whose soul is flat—the sky
Will cave in on him by and by.
Wake up!!! The world is inside of you!
Currently reading :
The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life
By Deepak Md Chopra
Release date: By 28 September, 2004
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Ramblin Ma-aaan
Lord I was born one.
It's finally July 2008 and the boat party is over. Not to mention Art's man-project, though he could still be workin' on that unhappy engine....
We really did have a great time at the Boat Party this year, but because of the smoke in all these mountains it wasn't as eventful of a party as usual because basically there were way less people. Usually there are more stories of drunken-ness, more mishaps, more funnies.... This year it was more just peaceful and responsible. That's fine, but y'all know how much I don't like growing up. I kind of felt like we were gainin on our 30's for the first time, and even though I am older than alot of people, I still feel younger and dorkier than them. That didn't matter SOOO much, but I do feel like it was almost more fun the past two years. Probably because I really like challenges and back then I was less friends with everyone and so weird little things made me insecure and talking to people could be a challenge if I didn't know them well etc etc etc. and I secretly love that kind of stuff. But this year I felt so stoked and so badly I just wanted everyone that had come before to come and I wanted to laugh with them all and reach them all and sing with them all, but that didn't happen either. But I did get to fake art-dance to Heart and Roxette and some other PRETttTTy cheesy things, which were my fave parts, but I also had really hoped for some kind of singin circle of tribehood.
That's me with Martha, a good dance partner!
So now, back at the ranch, I am left hurting for more good adventure. I feel some kind of wind at my skirts, trying to get me to move on toward something new, perhaps it's that gypsy one I have a song about.
"That gypsy wind just keeps on blowin'
When it gets me I've no way of knowin'
Whistlin' train to the crashin' ocean
When I dive in- that cold is motion"
Hereya is Cody.
That's Ryan Donnelly, Kristin Darlin, and John Madsen.
And Arty and peeps.
And this is Kate.
I don't want to move from these wooded woods. Art does not either. I love it here in Nevada County so much, but I do feel the need for something new, something different to make my eyes young. Maybe it's just something inside myself that has to happen, I am not sure. And it's not a baby, not yet. Maybe it is, actually, but I am not willing to give THAT a chance yet, til I have some other feelings sorted out inside me. I already bug the shit out of Art all the time about cleaning and not being grouchy and I can feel it TURNING me old. If I lived alone I wouldn't have to bug anyone, but then I wouldn't have a best friend either..... I can't imagine what wrinkles will end up on my face if I am whining about cleaning, smoking, drinking, bad moods, AND A BABY. I am NOT WILLING to get that old yet. No way Jose. I would be a crazy lady. A horrible mother. Wind up in the nutjob house. I have been thinking about a lot of past experiences lately too. All this smoke will makes me think of falling-in-love for the first time circa 1996. It always will I think. Every time it's smoky I have always thought of that August I met Chris Nelson..... scoundrel that he may be. There was a wind blowing then, a hot wind, like I have never felt since or before. I know that we have so much of those possibilites in our own souls, but that wind back then was like a wind from God or something. A magic one. Ever since then I have always kind of loved the smell of smoke, well, of forest-smoke that is. But this smoke keeps coming and coming these days, and I have to say, I am not reminiscing from it one speck anymore. I just want blue sky back.
I keep wondering if Art and I should put everything into storage and move into a trailer or something. Or a yurt or giant circus tent or something, like the miner's did. With our cats. I love our house and garden and what-not, but I do feel it is time Art and I live alone, without roommates, unless someday it be Heather and Darin. They, I would live with forever and ever. I just am dying to burrow into the nature, to not worry about streets and neighborhoods, to travel, to jump into rivers, to NOT drive, to sing all the time and to write. To drink coffee under pine mornings.
If I wasn't married, I know what I would do. I would save a few hundred bucks, quit my job, and probably take a Greyhound somewhere. Back to Louisiana or something....
But I am married, and I am gonna keep my job, and I am going to keep writing songs to free this ramblin' gamblin' man that somehow ended up inside my blood.
It's finally July 2008 and the boat party is over. Not to mention Art's man-project, though he could still be workin' on that unhappy engine....
We really did have a great time at the Boat Party this year, but because of the smoke in all these mountains it wasn't as eventful of a party as usual because basically there were way less people. Usually there are more stories of drunken-ness, more mishaps, more funnies.... This year it was more just peaceful and responsible. That's fine, but y'all know how much I don't like growing up. I kind of felt like we were gainin on our 30's for the first time, and even though I am older than alot of people, I still feel younger and dorkier than them. That didn't matter SOOO much, but I do feel like it was almost more fun the past two years. Probably because I really like challenges and back then I was less friends with everyone and so weird little things made me insecure and talking to people could be a challenge if I didn't know them well etc etc etc. and I secretly love that kind of stuff. But this year I felt so stoked and so badly I just wanted everyone that had come before to come and I wanted to laugh with them all and reach them all and sing with them all, but that didn't happen either. But I did get to fake art-dance to Heart and Roxette and some other PRETttTTy cheesy things, which were my fave parts, but I also had really hoped for some kind of singin circle of tribehood.
That's me with Martha, a good dance partner!
So now, back at the ranch, I am left hurting for more good adventure. I feel some kind of wind at my skirts, trying to get me to move on toward something new, perhaps it's that gypsy one I have a song about.
"That gypsy wind just keeps on blowin'
When it gets me I've no way of knowin'
Whistlin' train to the crashin' ocean
When I dive in- that cold is motion"
Hereya is Cody.
That's Ryan Donnelly, Kristin Darlin, and John Madsen.
And Arty and peeps.
And this is Kate.I don't want to move from these wooded woods. Art does not either. I love it here in Nevada County so much, but I do feel the need for something new, something different to make my eyes young. Maybe it's just something inside myself that has to happen, I am not sure. And it's not a baby, not yet. Maybe it is, actually, but I am not willing to give THAT a chance yet, til I have some other feelings sorted out inside me. I already bug the shit out of Art all the time about cleaning and not being grouchy and I can feel it TURNING me old. If I lived alone I wouldn't have to bug anyone, but then I wouldn't have a best friend either..... I can't imagine what wrinkles will end up on my face if I am whining about cleaning, smoking, drinking, bad moods, AND A BABY. I am NOT WILLING to get that old yet. No way Jose. I would be a crazy lady. A horrible mother. Wind up in the nutjob house. I have been thinking about a lot of past experiences lately too. All this smoke will makes me think of falling-in-love for the first time circa 1996. It always will I think. Every time it's smoky I have always thought of that August I met Chris Nelson..... scoundrel that he may be. There was a wind blowing then, a hot wind, like I have never felt since or before. I know that we have so much of those possibilites in our own souls, but that wind back then was like a wind from God or something. A magic one. Ever since then I have always kind of loved the smell of smoke, well, of forest-smoke that is. But this smoke keeps coming and coming these days, and I have to say, I am not reminiscing from it one speck anymore. I just want blue sky back.
I keep wondering if Art and I should put everything into storage and move into a trailer or something. Or a yurt or giant circus tent or something, like the miner's did. With our cats. I love our house and garden and what-not, but I do feel it is time Art and I live alone, without roommates, unless someday it be Heather and Darin. They, I would live with forever and ever. I just am dying to burrow into the nature, to not worry about streets and neighborhoods, to travel, to jump into rivers, to NOT drive, to sing all the time and to write. To drink coffee under pine mornings.
If I wasn't married, I know what I would do. I would save a few hundred bucks, quit my job, and probably take a Greyhound somewhere. Back to Louisiana or something....
But I am married, and I am gonna keep my job, and I am going to keep writing songs to free this ramblin' gamblin' man that somehow ended up inside my blood.
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