For Once and For All

I have to write this now. Because I always forget. But for once I am not going to forget. I NEED A HANDHELD DIGITAL RECORDER THIS CHRISTMAS. A LITTLE ONE IS FINE. One that records for one or two minutes is fine........PLEASE!
I would buy myself one today, but because Christmas is close I might as well ask.
The thing is, for those of you that know me well, you also know I am married to someone who JUST MIGHT be more overdramatic than I am. ABOUT EVERYTHING. A few times a month we have an issue that involves me needing a digital recording device. SERIOUSLY. I have thought about needing it ever since we got married.
The problem is this. (perhaps it's more typical in marriages than I realize?)
Art uses a very very sarcastic almost rude sounding tone of voice daily. But usually he is describing how hot he is, or how much he wants to kill a song on the radio, or how bad his knees hurt, or how annoying some poor bystander's coat looks, or how busy it was at work. This quality in him is MOST DEFINITELY NOT one I enjoy. As you all probably know, I am kind of an extreme optimist, a pretty damn positive girl.... I believe using such rudeness at the environment around you reverberates out into the world and creates dissonance around a person. So I do my best to steer clear of his mean overdramatic moments. But at least he usually keeps it directed at distant things and not me....for the most part....EXCEPT ON DAYS LIKE TODAY. Sometimes he slips up and uses this tone at me right in a moment when I am cheerful and happy and everything is going just fine and we are getting along perfectly and then afterwards HE NEVER EVER EVER REALIZES THAT HE JUST DID IT!!!!!! Literally, he will completely hurt my feelings by his rudest tone of voice and the kind of pent up sarcasm on his brow that speaks millions when he says things like "What do you mean share this table? There's not even room for ONE of my elbows?!!!" all the while he's looking at me with this look that says EXACTLY "YOU COMPLETE IDIOT!" in a rolling-eye kind of sarcasm. And it's not funny and he's not TRYING to be humorous. He's just being a plain old grouchy rude DOWNRIGHT MEANHEAD. I EFFING HATE IT! So then I get my feelings hurt and barely even know what to say since we weren't even arguing in the first place he just got rude out of nowhere, so I will say something back like "GEEZ! What the heck, I am trying to be nice and hang out close to you and you get MAD at me?" And then he will be even RUDER than the first time trying to defend himself (because when Art is wrong, even if he is REALLY wrong, he will defend himself to the stubborn bitter end- seriously it takes HOURS sometimes for me to make him realize that he was the one in the wrong)....anyways the whole thing gets out of control and comes back to the same old thing, every single time. HIS TONE OF VOICE. When we discuss how the whole arguing got started out of nowhere HE COMPLETELY DENIES THAT HE USED A RUDE TONE OF VOICE AT ALL. He acts like a suddenly just got upset after he said something polite and kind to me! And you know what? I honestly think that he does not realize how rude and mean his voice sounds at such times. I honestly am beginning to believe he actually believes that he was talking completely normal and cordial to me the whole time!!!! SO I HAVE GOT to get a recorder that sits in the kitchen or somewhere that we both are frequently so that I can discreetly press record the next time it happens. I just want him to realize what his jerky take-me-for-granted-completely- sarcastic tone of voice sounds like in real life and why it hurts my feelings. He know this too. This isn't some secret blog to the world leaving him out. He knows he does this and he always says sorry even if the "sorry" take five hours, and he realizes that his tone of voice may in fact be out of line whilst talking to his nice little wife-girl.


HELP!
Anyone got some ideas besides the recorder? I could most definitely use them.