The New York Lonely Times

It is Fall summer day. Like coats and tank tops, shorts and wool socks. By nighttime I am freezing my patootie off. By day, dress me up in sundresses and scores of sunglasses, jewels, cold medicines. Ranges of weather like this cause everyone to get sick. So I take 5,ooo miligrams of Vitamin C, and I wander the streets alone with my doses of Echinacea Goldenseal Yin Ciao formulas brewing lonely spells of weakness in my belly. I am trying to be strong, I tell them. I am trying my god damn strongest to be strong, but instead, I fall into bed at night bewildered and anxious about God, Jesus, Buddha, Beezelbub and all other archetypal figures that will haunt me. I pray now alot, with sweet words to pathetically beg for help in lonesomeness, "please god, where are the friends who would understand me and want to live NEAR to me, to come to my house EVERY SINGLE night and get drunk with either beer or love and run through the wilderness and jump into foamy ocean tides at midnight? I know my little brother, twelve years younger, is one of them, but where are the rest? I am still that same age as him really, 18, and wild and not changed by any bouts of jadedness and I just want to stare at the moon and sing songs out loud and climb to places where the policemen wouldn't like. Dearest God, I know you'd understand the good intent behind my wildness. Gratitude of everthing!" I also thank God- him/her- for the family I came here into, the wild romantic talented CRAZY family of actors and writers and dreamers that we are. My grandfather was diagnosed Schizophrenic you know, and so I think we get tinges of the voices in our heads, but still I am a true love.
And yet, here I remain, wandering alone. Realizing maybe quite importantly that any friends I ever leave behind are just as available to me as the next circle of friends. That not any particular group is going to love me any more than the last realm, and that they are all busy now, and have their own issues and forget about those adventures I MUST HAVE in my life. So I dream about them, all the characters, and when I get one note or one phone call, JUST ONE EVEN, that chimes in on the passion I crave, I am 1,000 times lighter! Today, in the midst of my double espresso americano I received ONE. How can one tiny note change your day? I was a zombie in the minutes and hours before. But one message, this ONE message, just a trinket really, just a drop-a- line, inspired me about more shows and www.gypsytownmusic.com, and all my talented friends, and future travels, and beautiful people who are kind to each other. Thank You. I guess a portion of my prayers answered. And so I realize, I cannot escape myself. I may move to new homes over and over, but myself there I remain. And lonely, and so Hopeful and optimistic that someday I will never ever be lonely the way I have had to be lonely this year. That I will know everyone in the whole world practically, or at least, they will know me. And we will all have wine or tea and fun and singing together whenever possible!