What kind of revolution for this 2000 sign?

Happy New 2009! It's ice where I am. Where Heather and I are.

We happen to be cozy in a tiny little home in Provo, Utah, of all places on the planet! I haven't been to Utah in some time, and it's completely different-looking with all this whiteness. It's like we are in Alaska, and I kind of like that. It's industrial looking and wild looking, and I absolutely love those feelings. We are here with my brother Matt and his beauteous amazing wife Amy, and their 3 adorable children, Jarom, Bella, and Orion (O-ey) for those of you who don't know my family so well (just in case this blog ever makes the big time or something? what the heck am I talking about.) Most of you, clearly, if you know me, you know my family. My wild and wonderful Beatty family.
Anyways, Matt and Amy are so inspiring to be around because they can take an ordinary day and make it jam-packed with at least 10 great little adventures. In this one day, January 5th, I have had so many of them! I guess it's the 6th now, as it is quite late, but for me it's still the same long day. .... So earlier tonight, even in the middle of a practical whiteout, we all decided to go roller skating, after a bunch of other fun little adventures and errands and such. It was so much fun to put on the skates and be rollin' with the tiny ones. It was family night, which meant all 7 of us got in for ten bucks! Heather bought our admission because she had fancied rollerskating at a rink for a couple days and hoped we would do it. I have so many more pictures....but that blog will be for the writings I make when I get home. We skated round and round, completely bailed a few times, won a game as a family with Oey as the center skater, and played ski ball to boot. We even won about 130 tickets at the game arcade so the kids got to pick out lots o prizes afterwards! Amy played this one game "Let's Make A Deal" and did fantastic at it! Too bad it wasn't a casino, she would have won like 5,000 dollars or something. But just as exciting in the land of families, she won 70 tickets all at once which is kind of like unheard of! I love being around this family because it helps me to realize just how lazy my internet-obsessed self is while at home. I need to get in the practice of GETTING OFF MY BUM! Because if this little family can make adventure happen, well then so can I! Even if it's just in the form of going to get an ice cream, or go to the library, or to go take a walk in the leaves or snow, or practice music for 2 hours, or write a blog, or WHATEVER...I just must learn to spend my time more wisely. Amy says having kids MAKES you spend your time much much more wisely, because you have so precious little of it free! Perhaps having a lil baby will one day help me out. But I am not sure quite WHEN I will make the leap into WANTING to get pregnant and have a fam. It's gonna happen. I might just be 35 before it does! Until then, at least I can hope I LOOK 26 and not my grand old age of THIRTY THREE. Yikesers. ANd besides, for now, these are the kinds of CRAZILY immature things swimming through my grand old mind:

Facebook is a really weird new thing. Through it I have gotten in touch with so many people that I never would have seen again. It's bizarre. I remember growing up thinking how our parents must be so sad to not see their friends from high school ever, or even KNOW WHERE THEY LIVED anymore. Our generations are so lucky to be a part of the birth of the internet...to communicate with each other for entire lifetimes, to have our fingers on the pulse of each other's adventures and trials and errors and magicalnesses. To wonder how random it is the people we even know in the first place, or how we may have crossed paths the very first time and why. Just being in school is the answer to that question for most people. And I suppose that's true. But I went to 8 different schools growing up so I met alot of people on the move! The longest time I spent at a school was my run at El Dorado High School, and I feel lucky for that- for being in the scariest of my adolescent glow with the same people for 4 years. But before that it was kindergarten and 1st at Conway Elementary in Escondido, 2nd, 3rd and half of 4th at North Broadway Elementary in Escondido, 4th and half of 5th at Arlington Elementary in Citrus Heights, 5th at Citrus Heights School, 6th at Carriage School, Sylvan Junior High for 2 weeks of 7th, then Churchill Junior High, and then El Dorado High School. Needless to say, I don't remember or know alot of people that I knew when I was 5.

Sometimes I think I have a real problem remembering faces. I kind of have these ideas that we all have bar-graphed-out allotments of amounts of certain things we can handle in this life....and then when your bar graph amount maxes out....well your just kind of screwed then. Like you can only drink so much before you become and actual alcoholic or something. And after you get to that point it only takes one sip of a drink...and you just start being alcoholic. Because you used up your freebie get out of karma free cards or something. Not all things are measured in this way (as far as MY own theory goes), it's different for everyone. Some people can drink tons their whole lifetimes and they never max out or become alcoholics. Some people can travel to 6 countries before they are maxed out on traveling and others can travel their whole lives without ever losing that sparkle of sheer appreciation for differences in people and lands.....For me, I think I had a limited amount of faces I could take in before I just got maxed out on face-memory. It's a real problem, and I am the last person on earth that is rude or stuck up, but I KNOW sometimes that I have known someone (even quite well) and then two years later I have no idea how I know them. Or I meet someone like NINE times and I tell them "no, I don't think we have ever met" and then they say (pretty annoyedly) "ummm....yes we have, I've met you like NINE times." (this has happened) and it's totally lame and I feel like I have Alzheimer's or something. But it's a completely different story with going places. I can drive into a town for the very first time and two years later I will remember how all the streets go and where the bakery is and where to find the comic book shop and where the subways meet up. Help!

Anyways, what a rant! It's just that this happens more and more and only WORSENS as I travel more and more, play shows, go on adventures, and meet more and MORE PEOPLE! The worse thing ever is when I know THAT I KNOW SOMEONE, I recognize them....sitting at my restaurant, or walking toward me down the street, and not only that I KNOW THAT I USED TO REALLY HANG OUT WITH THEM! and yet I can't place how I know them or what we did together or anything. What the h??????? My bar graph for new faces....all MAXED out. Maybe God is trying to tell me something? Like....stop traveling and meeting new people and stop playing shows and just shut up and have your own family already???!!!

Who knows.

I just don't know what kind of girl I am.
I know I am a country girl, and I want to be a stylish girl, but for all I know I am completely 100 percent dork-out-of-it and no hipness whatsoever.
I feel to be the gyspy type, a traveler of dashing new ideas and romance and modern things, but I also feel like an old homebody grandma, tired for a cup of tea, holding my cats on my bed, never wanting to leave the WARMthhhh..
I feel like I am lucky in love, that my life is rich in every beautiful way, but perhaps I am just a poor old fool, destined for poverty forever and a life of hearth and beat-up cars.
I thought I was a musician, writing songs of hope and true love to cut the edges of the world back with fierceness and some semblance of courage....but perhaps I am just a failed teenager, a dreamer of nothingness, an insecure mess of grasping-at-straws and fears of being boring.
I imagined I'd have a family of my own by now, but perhaps I am just a selfish bastard, frittering away my giving heart on dancing and parties and other youthful whims of futile.
I know I could have done anything and I believe I could have succeeded, the choices lay like littered paths around me- and I feel I have chosen the best one for me, but I don't know what that path is when looking at it, or what others see especially. It kind of looks like nothing.

I can't say I am a lawyer or a mother, a politician or a graduate, a famous singer or a philosopher of great regard. I can't say I can fly to Hawaii tomorrow, or go to Japan, or swim in the Mediterranean, for I barely have a dime to my name.

This is not depression or regret, confusion or distress.....this only me wondering, what am I?

I think more than I know what I am, I know what I WOULD LIKE TO STILL BECOME.
Some main ones..........
A promoter of true love, by ways that are true to my own happiness because I think you cannot promote true love if you don't love your own life with straight VIGOR.
An activist for children and world poverty.
A singer of great braveness.
A mother of childlike attributes and holy nurturing.
A traveler so that I can converse with wisdom with anyone in the world.
An absolutely good friend, in the true-est of ways.

I must sleep now.
Thanks to any dear lover who's been readin'

Your GOOD FRIEND,
adie