I realize that I am so lazy.
I realize that I am so selfish.
Working on these weaknesses is the new priority.
I want to run run run, and work at the things I love.
I want to give give give, and support the people I love.
I don't care about anything else except love. That's always been true. And yet I still find myself caught up in this selfish runaround. Am I successful, am I cool, secretly asking myself such ridiculous foolery.
Successful comes in mysterious forms. In trailers, deserts, caves, mountains, suburban houses too. But my mind judges my life so harshly according to the world. And yet, these worlds of people around me judge themselves even harsher, life according to the career, the degree, the right brand name purse.
Thank heaven our backbone, our family of seven knew better, we have spread the word that such thing is such nonsense.
Thank goodness, for who I am and who I have struggled to be.
But I have to love people more.
I have to give more in tangible real life, of my time, of my energy, of my faith towards other people and give them hope and home.
I have to work hard when I so want to drift around carelessly, I have to find the right melody to say the wise things.
2 comments:
geez ade, i think about this all the time too and start feeling like, what the hell have i done with my time, i could've done this and this and this by now...i was talking to stan about it last night and reminding him he is so lucky to be twenty years old and to be where he's at mentally/emotionally/psychically, open to the world and ready to encounter it in the best way, it took me like seven or eight years of my twenties to start really GETTING it...and then i write papers for school and know i went the lazy route, i know i could be so good, i just need to THINK harder, write harder, put it all together with ultimate care and precision and love for the subject, and that is the way for me, so it is what i should be doing, but i totally laze out and check my blogs or myspace and procrastinate...ugh! this summer, i want a time of great abundance and creativity. there are so many things i want to do, write some songs, learn to play guitar, sew some dresses, write a prospectus for my thesis, write creative short stories, and maybe for once try to publish something, grow some vegetables, paint rooms in my house, make scrapbooks, sell things in a giant fun yard sale, etc. in other words, real things take time, not procrastination or laziness, but i guess all i'm saying is still selfish too, i really shouldve listed unselfish things i want to do, but such is life...one thing we should do is visit aunt mary down in santa barbara and ask her questions about her mother and aunts and record it with my digital recorder. i bet she knows a lot of family history. wanna go with me? love you honey, you are always so good at growing better and better in the world, following the tao your own way, as it should be.
I didn't know you had this blog. The last time I checked it the last post was like 3 years ago. Adie, you are so talented and creative. I feel like everything you touch becomes beautiful and magical. You are so full of truth and love. It's great that you want to share it with the world. It's what we all need to survive- not getting our monthly nails done or in some how tricking people that we have it all ,those poor souls are lonely and unhappy. Tangible worldly-ness looks and smells so great for a moment and just as quickly it comes into your life it's gone and leaves you empty. But guess what-we do have it all. It's right in front of us everyday whether I'm greeted by the warm sunshine or a green running nose. We are so overly blessed. I love you Adie. I'm glad you found our blog and I have you in return. It's so nice to be able to feel connected to you even though we are miles apart. Your mind and heart are in the right place. xoxo
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